so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
