Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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