There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
