A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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