Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
