We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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