so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
