he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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