is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
