I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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