how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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