your thong is hanging out like whoa
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
