What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize