Some one left their pants in the elevator.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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