chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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