Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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