when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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