I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
