You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I want is dick and wine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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