I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
