how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
