it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
