So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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