Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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