He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
