I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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