You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
