All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
