she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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