Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
