apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
