I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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