just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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