just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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