Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
