im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
