He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
