margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
