I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
