After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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