Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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