found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
