I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
