so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
