ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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