This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
