I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I said "one day" and that day is not today
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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