he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize