Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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