Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
