Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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