When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
