We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm really busy with my period
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