Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
