goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
