There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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