How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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