Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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