Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
