Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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