i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
