Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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