Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
