so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
