How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
