I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
