Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
