just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
