I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
